I thought it might be interesting to look at how a scene develops in the writing process. I guess many non-writers think that a writer sits down each morning and writes out the scene that’s next in the book. Then finishes and goes to lunch.
For most of us, that’s not the case. Sometimes we have a clear idea of what happens in the scene, and to whom. Sometimes we have a vague notion that – to fulfil plot requirements – ‘something’ needs to happen, with a particular outcome.
This scene is from the book I’m working on at the moment, called The Secret Place. It’s a follow-up to Altered Life, the book that introduced my private investigator character, Sam Dyke. Altered Life was narrated exclusively from Sam’s perspective, while in The Secret Place I’ve opted to try out a technique several PI writers are using now – slipping into the close 3rd person point of view of a different character.
The scene is part of a chapter in which we see the ‘bad guys’ for the first time. They’re the Wilder twins, Little Jimmy and his older brother, Pete. Ostensibly they’re builders in Liverpool, while in fact they’re hard-nosed gangsters with a number of scams going on. When I first outlined the scene, it began with them arriving at a building site they were running, and their intention was to use a laptop to track down the position of a ship that was sailing from South Africa with contraband on board that they were awaiting. But I couldn’t find a way to start. When I got to that point in the writing, this is what came out:
(Arrive at site. One man standing around. No work being done. Piles of bricks and timber in a corner, under tarpaulin. Ground muddy. Half erected building to one side. They go into a Portakabin, then through another door into a back room. Pete locks the door and Jimmy boots up a laptop.When it’s booted, he loads the Leocate software, enters his username and password and tracks the shipment coming from SA.)
I then went straight into dialogue.
For an outline, this is fairly specific. I seem to have ‘seen’ the situation – the man standing around, the piles of bricks, the half-erected building. I’d even done my research and found the ‘Leocate’ software, a kind of GPS system that could be used to track items worldwide. But all this was displacement activity because I found I didn’t want to describe the physicality of the scene – the prose wouldn’t come. It was easier to get into dialogue than describe the set-up.
Two months later, and I’d managed to get into the scene, like this:
The site was empty. They walked on the planks that crossed the muddy ground and went up the steps into the Portakabin. Pete had the key and he looked around before opening up. That was him – always secretive. Jimmy followed him inside and shut the door.
‘Fuckin cold in here.’
‘Put a jumper on.’
They grinned at each other – that was their mother’s saying whenever the gas meter ran out and they didn’t have any money.
‘Get ‘er going,’ Pete said, and Jimmy pushed past him into the cubicle at the back. He unlocked the cabinet and took out the laptop, then booted it up and navigated to the tracking web site. He zoomed into a section of the ocean north of Africa.
So the single man on site has gone – it would have led to complications about what exactly the twins were up to on site, so it was better to ditch him. I’ve given some detail about the muddy site, but not mentioned the piles of bricks or the half-erected building. Also, the Portakabin doesn’t have two rooms, just a locked cabinet. I’ve also taken out the reference to Leocate because by this time I wasn’t sure it would do what I wanted it to do.
The other thing that’s happened is that I’ve taken the opportunity to build the relationship between the twins by mention of their mother. The scene immediately prior to this shows them arguing in the car as they’re driving to the site, but I thought it would be natural for them to have forgotten that and to be able to share a family moment through the use of the mother’s phrase. So even while doing one thing – showing the twins looking at the position of their contraband – it’s possible to use the scene to do something else – build their relationship. It also showed the poverty they’d come from – to have a gas meter into which you had to feed coins. It says something about their social situation as children.
The latest re-write looks like this:
The site was empty. They walked on the planks that crossed the muddy ground and went up the steps into the Portakabin. Pete had the key and he looked around before opening up. That was him – always secretive. Always worried about what might happen if it went wrong. Jimmy followed him inside and shut the door.
‘Fuckin cold in here,’ he said.
‘Put a jumper on.’
They grinned at each other – that was their mother’s saying whenever the gas meter ran out and they didn’t have any money.
‘Get ‘er going,’ Pete said, and Jimmy pushed past him into the cubicle at the back. He unlocked the cabinet and took out the laptop. Pete didn’t want it kept in either of their houses, just in case. Jimmy booted it up and ran the Automatic Identification System software. Every ship over 300 tons was required to broadcast its location, speed, status and other information. This information was picked up by different tracking systems worldwide and made available to interested parties, usually for a fee. Jimmy had felt really cool when he learned this. Something he could do that his brother couldn’t. He zoomed into a section of the ocean north of Africa.
Here there’s another line about Pete: ‘Always worried about what might happen if it went wrong.’ This is to emphasise his paranoia as Jimmy sees it. Jimmy is far more of a risk-taker and sees his brother as an unnecessary worrier. Also, I’ve added in the information about the Automatic Identification System software. Further research had directed me to this information, and I’ve expanded on it because again it helps characterise Jimmy by comparison to his brother – he can do something his brother couldn’t, and felt good about it.
This will probably be the final version, though I’m still considering how much information about the AIS software to leave in. Does it add credibility to the scene? Or does it read like research that’s been shoe-horned in to show off? I’m still unsure.
The interest for me is to learn how a scene can develop over a period of about eight months. More experience as a writer tells you that you don’t have to get it all right first time. Putting in a ‘place-holder’, in brackets, was good enough until I could see my way through to write the scene properly. And even then it changed as more thought went into it. So what I’ve learned is to have more confidence that things will become clearer to me, as the writer, in the same way that they will become clearer to the reader. Getting it right first time isn’t always possible, so long as you put in the work to get it right eventually.
Keith Dixon
Altered Life
Is Ian Rankin all that?
Posted August 22, 2008 by Keith DixonCategories: Commentary
This will probably come across as a sour grapes rant, and to hell with it, I don’t care. I’ve just watched a documentary in a series on ITV3 about British crime writers. This one was about Ian Rankin, the Scottish author of books about Inspector Rebus.
Now I’ve just read a Rebus novel while on holiday, and I have to say that in all honesty I wasn’t that impressed. It was the second Rebus novel I’ve read. Maybe I’ve surfeited too much on a heady diet of American crime writing, but I thought it was heavy, dour and not that well-written. The plot moved along at a lick, but it was littered with coincidences and incidents that were really incidental – that is, they were not central to the storyline and were left hanging. They were there to add ‘colour’ to the main story but had no life of their own. For example, Rebus’ ne’er do well brother had come out of prison and was staying at the house that Rebus owned but had been renting out to students. One night, the brother answered the door and was kidnapped, later to be found hanging upside down hanging from a bridge. This was intended as a ‘warning’ to Rebus about the case he was investigating. The problem for me was that the state of the brother afterwards was not believable in the slightest. He hung around the house in a state of shock, reading books on hypnotherapy – a complete change in his character. It seemed that Rankin liked the idea of the incident, but then didn’t know how to deal with the brother afterwards.
Similarly, at the end of the book, one of the chief villains threw himself into a huge vat of beer rather than face the criminal investigation coming his way. Again, this was an event that was simply not credible.
Of course all books – let alone crime novels – have to include events that are beyond the norm, otherwise they become documentaries. But there were too many of them here. They went beyond ‘local colour’ into the realm of pure incredibility.
What’s more, the writing wasn’t that good. I don’t have the book to hand, so I can’t quote examples, but I noted many instances where the similes and metaphors he used were tired clichés. He created a couple of interesting characters – Rebus amongst them – but the claims that were made for him by other participants in the TV program were ludicrous when you put him against the real giants of American crime writing. The main tone was ‘He’s a great writer who just happens to write crime novels.’ Well, no. When you put him against someone like Ian McEwan, or Martin Amis, or Cormac McCarthy, that boat just doesn’t float.
Interestingly, Rankin claimed to have learned from the American crime writers that he read. He recognised that when he looked at British writers they usually wrote ‘cosies’ set in country houses where amateur detectives solved the crimes and put the world back to rights. He didn’t want to be part of that world, which was fair enough. But I hardly think that a high-ranking British copper – which is what Rebus is – fits into the same category as anti-heroes like Sam Spade or The Continental Detective of Dashiell Hammett. However much he kicks against the system, he’s still in the system. And he fits into the current British dedication to the police procedural – whether it be Dalglish or Morse or Jane Tennison or – God help us – Dixon of Dock Green (no relation).
So I just don’t get it. Val McDermid made the point during the show that ‘genre’ writing like crime writing is derided by the literary establishment because it doesn’t understand what’s really going on in the genre these days. That’s true. But you won’t find out what’s really going on by looking at British crime writing. If it’s not a police procedural, it’s a forensic pathologist solving the crime. You need to look at the Americans – James Lee Burke, Jefferson Parker, George Pelecanos, Elmore Leonard, Walter Mosley. These are established names of the same vintage as Rankin, if not a little older. But they’re still writing books that are more vital and connected to the modern world. And are much, much better written.
Sorry, Ian.
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